Monday, October 16, 2006
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This is somewhat reminiscent of Dear Paul by Barbie Almalbis. Only better. Hehe.

***
I really never knew what happened ever since I saw your face again. It was like memories of the past flood me. I know that we don't have much to say since we didn't have much last year. I know that there wasn't really any confirmation whatsoever about where we stand but I just thought. I just thought. ~Get over it.

The day was ordinary. The scene was extremely happy. There were smiles. There were little passed-on notes. There were greetings and girls squirming. Everything, everyone was there. Again, memories blew upon me like the winds of Milenyo. It was so sickening. It was annoying since I still look for you. ~Get over it.

You cannot say that you didn't love me. Come on, that would be hypocrisy. You sheltered me while everything kept on falling down. You taught me everything I have ever known. You showed me truth. You showed me how beautiful life is if I let it shine. Come on, you taught me a lot of things. You taught me how to love and let go. ~Get over it.

Every corner I turn, I linger for that feeling you bring me. I crave. Everything I see I compare to you. I long for the sunny days and dark nights. I long for afternoons of fudgee bars and chuckie's. I long for those midmorning walks along the corridor. I long to be at your place. I long to be by your side. ~Get over it.

But, you were always there. I pass you everytime I go to school. I have loved the sight of you ever since I was a child. Yes, you are always there but why do I feel a gap between us? Yes, you are always there but we are not together now. And it sucks. We have been together for four years. And, I know that it has only been six months but it feels like years. I can't get over it. I can't get over you.


I miss you, Masci.

***

My trip last Friday to Masci's Foundation was really an emotional rollercoaster ride. I felt a lot of things during that day. I got mixed up with all the drama. And, honestly I miss that little booger. Masci, I mean. I never thought that it would be this dramatic. I was extremely surprised then happy then sad then envious.

Surprise! I never really knew that Masci could look this good. The floors were all made up of shiny and gleaming white tiles! The walls were repainted. It was all blue. The bulletin boards were 'made-up'. It was all colorful and stuff! Hehe. Excuse my horrid descriptions. Anyway, when Danish and I decided to take a tour in OUR campus(It still is!), we saw a lot of different and CLEAN stuff. The infamous Roentgen Room was extremely neat. And, it actually looked like a classroom! Imagine that! I just loved that room but unfortunately it was locked. Sayang! I'd give 100 bucks just to see the 'Kapitan heart Jang Geum' I wrote on that wall! My first actual school violation was made there! And now it's all squiky clean. Hay, panahon nga naman! And, new principal nga naman! I was really happy taht everything was so clean. But, when we got to the quadrangle, it was chaos. There were booths again! After two boring years, nagkaroon ulit! At, nagbalik rin after two years ang... jenjenjenjen ...BASAAN. Masci na muli siya!!!

Can you say fun? With every bit of chaos present everywhere, we decided to go forth into the battlefield. Kung ako lang, mambabato ako ng water balloon! We interviewed an unsuspecting freshman in the Math Department. The scene looked like something out of a mafia movie. We asked him about the school, that day's event and everything. After that, we decided to steal a math book, the one by Leithold. He seemed terrified pero ayos lang naman daw siya sabi niya. After threatening to steal books from the Department and joking with the kid, Danish and I decided to look for our dear teachers. We saw Mam Lucena which was a surprise to us since she still know us after all the Senior Year drama. We went to Mam Quintal and witnessed that she is still working with her students. She seemed exhausted so we didn't bother her anymore. We went out and looked for Mam Diaz but sadly, she already left according to our classmates. I really miss that woman! Who knew that looking for teachers could be this fun? After all the things they did to us. Hehe.

It's all coming back to me now. There was the exhibition of the bands. We decided to watch it. We went to the Bibbo corner. We saw a lot of our old batchmates. We saw old familiar faces. We saw everyone and by that we mean everyone. I saw someone. Wala, tapos na yun. While watching the show, it made me rethink of my days at High School. I was really GC then but I was extremely happy. What can I say? I have a weird sense of happiness. I have fun with fun! I loved everyone and everything about high school. Who knew that the pain was so immense when I returned to the school? I missed it a lot! I missed everyone! While the bands played, I was extremely envious with all the mascians inside masci. I envied the whole idea of their lives revolving around the four buildings of the school.

I don't want to be called an emotional basketcase. I just really miss something very dear to me. It sounded quite emo, doesn't it? Well, I am dramatic and this is drama so get over it. I just wanted to release my thoughts. To be honest, the idea that I am not in High School anymore still brings me to tears.

But that's life. Got to move on. Go UP! ^_^

april28 sensed inspiration at 6:54 PM.
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i love. i have loved. i will love.

---

M e

"I'm the kind of k i d
that can't let anything go
but you wouldn't know a g o o d thing
if it came up and slit your throat"

April Czareen Cruz
' ' apreeeL ' '
28th of April
student/poet/kid
PNU-CTL. Manila Science High School. UP-Manila
music freak
cyber junkie
jawbreaker(figure this one out!)
weird but really nice!

L o v e s
Kids. Music. Web Stuff. Jadis. My Friends. Photoshop. Gemma Ward!!! French Fries. The Sound of Music. Sandwich. I Capture the Castle. Cassandra Mortmain.

W i s h l i s t
I want...
a star of my own. a car. an electric guitar. a camera. to meet Sandwich. to go to Japan. my dreams to come true. world peace. high school back.

T a g

speak up, kid!

"Your r e m o r s e hasn't fallen on deaf ears rather ones that just don't care"

L i n k s

" we are salt - you are the wound"
Aaron
Abram
Angelin
April
Beverly
Biankee
Cez
Chynes
Claire
Dane
Danish
Diane
Edgar
Fatima
Fiona
Gem
Grace
Jaiskizzy
Jigs
Jochie
Jazzy
Justine L.
j-On-Na-ZeL
Jomar
Kath
Kim
Lanie
Megane-kun
Mikmik
Mnel
Nadine
Ninia
Sarah
Yasu

A r c h i v e s

"for the corpses of all my past mistakes"
April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007

C r e d i t s

My Heart is the Worst Kind of Weapon
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