Sunday, August 27, 2006
All Over Again

I get the feeling that I am going back to the start in terms of everything.

I swear, I think I am going back to being the ultra-GC April. You know, as in total geek. Well, partial lang pala kasi minus the look. Anyway, my point is, the big "College" thing is finally catching up on me. The whole idea of a whole new learning environment has now shown its idea upon me. You know, being independent and all is what college teaches you. When I was still in high school, they always say that college will be different because you will be alone by that time. Being April, I am not totally concerned with being alone, like having no BFF's, barkada or something, I am more concerned with being ALONE. I get to do things on my own, decide on my own and for my own's sake and be responsible for my own actions. Yes, I am concerned with those things since I have been so dependent on things that were still in high school. You know, the books, the parents, the teachers, the barkada.. I have been dependent.

Now, here I am, wondering why my answer is wrong on number 1 in my Math Manual while checking out medical institutions for our History project. Last time, I was in the library, reading tons of history books for our History project and I was also in the National Museum looking for plants being used by the Ikalahan tribe. If I were the high school version of April, I would not be caught staying in the library(darn librarians!)! I wouldn't even know that a certain Ikalahan tribe exists! Yes, I was GC in high school but not to the extent that I would go out on my way to get some extraordinary info from some extraordinary source. I study what my teachers taught us and that was it. I'd study every inch of it because I need to and because I want to. By going back to the old April, I'd like to regain the attitude towards studying. I want to pass this subject, not just because I need to and it's a pre-req of a gazillion other major subjects, but also because it is my decision. Because I want to. For some time kasi, para bang na-overwhelm ako sa kolehiyo, para akong nakawala sa hawla kaya nakalimot ako na dapat pala mas dibdibin ko ang pag-aaral or maging mas focused sa pag-aaral.

I think this is what you call, adjustment. But, it's weird because in my case, it seems that it's the opposite. Instead of changing from the new to the old, I am bringing back the old. Maybe I'm just recycling things as a sort of answer to today's demands. It's like Garbage In, Garbage Out. Taking in the good attitude from the past and deleting the bad attitude from what I've become.

I want to do this. No more slacking off, no more excuses. I should be responsible.

april28 sensed inspiration at 1:30 AM.
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i love. i have loved. i will love.

---

M e

"I'm the kind of k i d
that can't let anything go
but you wouldn't know a g o o d thing
if it came up and slit your throat"

April Czareen Cruz
' ' apreeeL ' '
28th of April
student/poet/kid
PNU-CTL. Manila Science High School. UP-Manila
music freak
cyber junkie
jawbreaker(figure this one out!)
weird but really nice!

L o v e s
Kids. Music. Web Stuff. Jadis. My Friends. Photoshop. Gemma Ward!!! French Fries. The Sound of Music. Sandwich. I Capture the Castle. Cassandra Mortmain.

W i s h l i s t
I want...
a star of my own. a car. an electric guitar. a camera. to meet Sandwich. to go to Japan. my dreams to come true. world peace. high school back.

T a g

speak up, kid!

"Your r e m o r s e hasn't fallen on deaf ears rather ones that just don't care"

L i n k s

" we are salt - you are the wound"
Aaron
Abram
Angelin
April
Beverly
Biankee
Cez
Chynes
Claire
Dane
Danish
Diane
Edgar
Fatima
Fiona
Gem
Grace
Jaiskizzy
Jigs
Jochie
Jazzy
Justine L.
j-On-Na-ZeL
Jomar
Kath
Kim
Lanie
Megane-kun
Mikmik
Mnel
Nadine
Ninia
Sarah
Yasu

A r c h i v e s

"for the corpses of all my past mistakes"
April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007

C r e d i t s

My Heart is the Worst Kind of Weapon
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