Friday, May 19, 2006
A Bit More Appreciation

The past statements are too hard for me to handle. I really need to choose the right words next time. I make mistakes. That is what makes me real. But, I don't understand how the problem became a problem.

I started the drama because that is just me. This is me. So, shut up and listen to me for a bit. Don't let judgment fool you. It might bite you in the ass in the long run. If you just let me explain how I view things, you will understand. After all, you are intelligent.

You may see me as a push-over, I guess since I follow the rules way too much. I follow without question. They are rules after all. They are meant to be broken, as the saying goes. But, in my world, there are still some to be followed. But, delinquency is not an unknown word to me. I rebel and stand against the flow if I want to. I'd love the idea of being free and of being in control.

But, hey, I guess, I am too young to handle everything, right? I am inexperienced so now I am exposing everything to you. At least, I am being honest since I admit my mistakes and my weaknesses. Be thankful for that because it took me a geat deal of courage to damage my pride.
This following of rules. Where did it get me?! Do I have a medal right now? Do I have some sort of award for getting this far? The answer is no. No credit whatsoever. All I got was a diploma, some little-less-sincere congratulations, a total break from High School and this crummy english.
I always felt like nothing. As in empty and useless. Wala daw akong sinabi. That's what they all say. These people have no idea of what they are saying. But, I bear no grudge against them. After all, I am not impressing them by being me. I want to impress the people who feed me, nurture me, care for me. Those who really matter. I strive hard for these people.

So, why am I so affected? Because you said the magic words. And I feel really bad reading those. I am really touchy when it comes to these kind of stuff. Sorry for being so emotional. I really thought it was intended for me. I still don't really know if it is or if it is not.

Sorry, curiousity kills me and leaves me in pieces. I can't think straight. This is the only way I can deal with the stress. Sorry.

april28 sensed inspiration at 11:48 PM.
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i love. i have loved. i will love.

---

M e

"I'm the kind of k i d
that can't let anything go
but you wouldn't know a g o o d thing
if it came up and slit your throat"

April Czareen Cruz
' ' apreeeL ' '
28th of April
student/poet/kid
PNU-CTL. Manila Science High School. UP-Manila
music freak
cyber junkie
jawbreaker(figure this one out!)
weird but really nice!

L o v e s
Kids. Music. Web Stuff. Jadis. My Friends. Photoshop. Gemma Ward!!! French Fries. The Sound of Music. Sandwich. I Capture the Castle. Cassandra Mortmain.

W i s h l i s t
I want...
a star of my own. a car. an electric guitar. a camera. to meet Sandwich. to go to Japan. my dreams to come true. world peace. high school back.

T a g

speak up, kid!

"Your r e m o r s e hasn't fallen on deaf ears rather ones that just don't care"

L i n k s

" we are salt - you are the wound"
Aaron
Abram
Angelin
April
Beverly
Biankee
Cez
Chynes
Claire
Dane
Danish
Diane
Edgar
Fatima
Fiona
Gem
Grace
Jaiskizzy
Jigs
Jochie
Jazzy
Justine L.
j-On-Na-ZeL
Jomar
Kath
Kim
Lanie
Megane-kun
Mikmik
Mnel
Nadine
Ninia
Sarah
Yasu

A r c h i v e s

"for the corpses of all my past mistakes"
April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007

C r e d i t s

My Heart is the Worst Kind of Weapon
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