Saturday, October 13, 2007

Everything we know is falling. We are falling apart. My mind has been faced with new distractions.. and destructions. And I know that yours is troubled too.

This is hopeless. My efforts and yours are put to test right now. Will we make through? I wish. I hope. Will we able to push through like the things that we've planned for in the past few days? Will we make it?

I'm tired. You're distressed. We both know that we need a lot right now. And by a lot, I mean A LOT. We need to talk but we're too tired and stressed to talk. We barely have time. Can we make time? Can we?

I'm out of focus. I'm distantly wishing for something better to happen. I'm wishing you were here to bring that smile back.. and that warmth. I wish to stars for your return..... return to me.

I feel so inadequate for you. I feel so inadequate ...without you.

april28 sensed inspiration at 9:06 AM.

i love. i have loved. i will love.

Wednesday, October 03, 2007
The Neverending Day

Shh. Can you keep a secret?

It all started with that. The neverending day seemed like just an ordinary day. But in reality it wasn't. I woke up early and I absolutely went for the computer just to check some things since I haven't been online for a good number of days. With the internet, I did my usual rounds on the websites which I frequent the most. I found some interesting things and things that somewhat made me miss high school all over again.

It was something out of the ordinary though since (1) I somewhat prepared everything all by myself and (2) I really wanted to go to class early. For some reason, I was excited that morning. And then, rain poured down. Thank you sunny weather but I think the rain's here to stay. So, I decided to negotiate with my father. He did take me to school but I liked it since that way, I'll have time to put on my socks. Anyway, after the ride, I arrived at the school at about 7:20, around that. The funny thing is our teacher was not yet there so it gave me time to do some things for that subject. Eventually, our teacher came and discussed the remaining chapters of Chinua Achebe's Things Fall Apart, which in my opinion, is a very sad story.

Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world.
-The Second Coming, W.B. Yeats

The usual happened on Physics. I got so sleepy that I was at some time, just pretending to listen but actually, I was just staring at my notes with my head bowed down. It was such a predicament. Super lakas ng kamandag ng antok noon mga panahong iyon.

After physics, we have to wait for 4 pm just to have our last class. IT was only 10 am at that time. SO we had 10am to 4pm to do some things. We decided to watch our impromptu speeches, which were video-recorded by our lovable teacher(!). I really laughed when it was my turn to watch myself. It was such a weird feeling but it was a good experience. Our instructor was super nice, IS super nice and he answers questions during consultation hours adequately. I like him very much, honestly.

After watching, we went to the mall to eat. We ate together, the whole 12 of us. It was a very interesting and funny conversation. Almost eveyrone was laughing at some point in time. The rain continued to pour when we made our way back to UPM for a physics class. A few steps away from the room, someone already told us that the teacher was absent and there will not be a class. Everyone was in a frenzy since their lab reports are due the next day. Almost all of them were doing the same quali reports except maybe one, and that is Gayle, who happens to be my regarded best adviser and partner when it comes to oddities and weirdness.

I was all the time with her doing crazy stuff and other things like making noise, impersonating people and singing karaoke tunes. I really enjoyed her company if she only knew. After that, the chaos was boiling up. Along the way, some part of me wanted to become bitchy in a sense since I was bitching with my other classmates. Yes, I was kind-of PMS-ing. Basta, the same nasty behavior. So, I decided to ignore almost everyone who is connected to me in some way, in Humanities. So, I hung out with Gayle and well, the invisible war ensued. In the four corners of the room, some people irritated me. And unfortunately, these people were also aware of this fact. But, since it is an invisible war, no one was entirely vocal about it. It was static, all over again.

Gayle and I went to the library to look for some resources for our History project/presentation. But before that, I told her a secret since it has been a long time since we had the oppportunity to talk like this. I disclosed my problemsa and grievances to her and it did feel a lot more comfortable to finally get rid of the skeletons in my closet. While in the library however, the invisible war waged on when a classmate finally confronted me regarding my behavior and my bitching and how it affected the work of our HUmanities group. At first, I was just shocked about what happpened. I wasn't really expecting that to happen. But at that time, that was the least of my concerns so I devoted much of the time spent in the library in researching for History.

After borrowing 2 books, we went out for our history class. But again, a few lengths away form the room, somebody told me that there was no more history class. We sort-of rejoiced and I finally talked to and settled the score with my classmate who had confronted me in the Reserved section of the library. We settled the dispute while walking to his place. But, instantaneously, I backed out at finishing the 'Oedipus' script after seeing the flood water in Pedro Gil. I went home and jst texted some people. A lot of good news and bad news started spreading. And once I again, I talked to that classmate/friend again to settle everything. The fascinating thing is I think I have learned more and discovered more things about that classmate/friend and insights about life from the conversation than the lectures that we had discussed that day.

The neverending day eventually ended with that. Overall, I consider this day a total crapfest. (a lot of bad things happened!) BUt honestly, I like how it all ended.

april28 sensed inspiration at 12:34 AM.

i love. i have loved. i will love.

Sunday, September 16, 2007
Ang Proseso

Huhupa din ang unos at sa wakas, makakahinga ka na rin. Wag ka nang mag-alinlangan. Dumating na ang araw mo, ang iyong hinihintay, ang iyong pinakaaasam.

Ihahanap mo ng pwesto ang iyong sarili. Hahanapin ang perpektong posisyon. Mararamdaman mo ang lambot ng unan sa iyong ulo at ang lambot ng iyong kamang damang-dama ng bawat nerve ending sa iyong likod. Galaw-galaw para komportable. Hanapin mo ang spot na iyon. Take your time. You have all the time in the world now that you have no more things to do. Take time to find that perfect spot. Umikot-ikot ka, gusto mo gumulong ka pa e. Salatin mo lahat ng parte ng kama hanggang sa unti-unting nagiging sensitibo na ang iyong balat at maramdaman mo na ang bawat spring na nakapaloob dito. Matapos mong hanapin ang tamang spot. Ipatay mo na yung desk lamp mo na hiniram mo lang sa iyong mabait na pinsan. Naglaho na ang liwanag at pumasok na ang kadiliman. Sa iilang mga segundo, magliliwanag muli at makikita mo ang mga glow in the dark moons and stars na idinikit mo nung first year high school ka pa lang sa may kisame. Ang ganda nila. Iisipin mo na lang na ganyan lang din ang kalangitan kapag nakahiga ka sa isang field at pinagmamasdan ang langit. Nakakapawi ng pagod ang pagtingin sa mga ito. Nakakaginhawa sa pakiramdam. AT ngayon, nag-iisip ka na naman ng mga bagay-bagay na isinantabi mo pero nakatengga pa rin sa utak mo. Maiisip mo lahat hanggang sa magpasya kang magpahinga na lang. Ipinikit mo nang unti-unti ang iyong mga mata at patuluyang lumayo mula sa iyo ang mga butuin at buwan. Pare-parehas silang nawawala sa kadiliman ng gabi at ng kwarto mong kasinlaki ng banyo nyo. Sa wakas, sarado na ang mga mata. Pinid na ang mga ito at tuluyan mo na ring nararamdaman na unti-unti kang nahuhulog patungo sa kawalan, kung saan ang linya sa pagitan ng katotohanan at imahinasyon ay wala na at kung saan ang memorya mo ay hindi kasing-talas ng kutsilyong gagamitin mo dapat nung isang araw sa paghiwa ng kalamansi. Nararamdaman mo na. ang sarap. Ang. Sarap.

april28 sensed inspiration at 1:33 AM.

i love. i have loved. i will love.

Tuesday, September 04, 2007
A Birthday

Christina Rossetti - A Birthday
My heart is like a singing bird
Whose heart is in a watered shoot:
My heart is like an apple-tree
Whose boughs are bent with thickset fruit;
My heart is like a rainbow shell
That Paddles in a halcyon sea;
My heart is gladder than all these
Because my love is come to me.

Raise me dais of silk and down;
Hang it with vair and purple dyes;
Carve it in doves and pomegranates,
And peacocks with a hundred eyes;
Work it in gold and silver grapes,
In leaves and silver fleurs-de-lys;
Because the birthday of my life
Is come, my love is come to me.

I stumbled upon this poem while I was searching for something substantial for our coming poetry interpretation for our Humanities class. It's such a happy picture, isn't it? Kind of reminds me of something else. Oh well.

The saga of wild mood swings ensues..

april28 sensed inspiration at 6:58 AM.

i love. i have loved. i will love.

Thursday, August 23, 2007
The wait is over

And I can cry now. After days of agony, I have seen them finally. And... I SO didn't like my results.

I guess that's life.. NOT! It's so *bleeping* unfair. And, well, I only got myself to blame. Yeah, that's what I think! But can you blame me for not feeling entirely good for everything? Yes? No?

Bah! To hell with it all! I have to start anew! Hopefully, I can make up for it on the next exam. I need to pass this subject so bad that I would cry for it. Hehehe.

Wait, I already did cry for it! Hooray for my self-esteem level.................................*uggh* kill me.

april28 sensed inspiration at 10:59 PM.

i love. i have loved. i will love.

Monday, August 20, 2007
Hell-O School

The girl who wants to LIVE inside her school, through some twist of fate, doesn't want to go back to school anymore.. Or at least, that's what her mind is saying right now.

Ayoko pa pumasok. T_T Kasi napakarami ko pa palang kailangang gawin at aralin. Nakakairita talaga. Andaming gagawin! Sana magawa ko ito lahat. Hayayay... Sana lang.

Sige na, may pasok pa ko bukas at kakain pa akong patito chips e.. Babay.

april28 sensed inspiration at 7:05 PM.

i love. i have loved. i will love.

Saturday, August 18, 2007
Resorcinol Test!!!

Sino bang nakakaalam kung ano ang RESORCINOL TEST? Ilang araw ko na rin yung hinahanap. Pambihira. Ano ba ang RESORCINOL TEST at ano ang visible results nito kapag Dicarboxylic Acids ang test compounds mo? Grabeeeeeeeeeeeee na to. Nawiwindang, nangangarag at naguguluhan na ako... Bwiset.

april28 sensed inspiration at 8:24 PM.

i love. i have loved. i will love.

M e

"I'm the kind of k i d
that can't let anything go
but you wouldn't know a g o o d thing
if it came up and slit your throat"

April Czareen Cruz
' ' apreeeL ' '
28th of April
PNU-CTL. Manila Science High School. UP-Manila
music freak
cyber junkie
jawbreaker(figure this one out!)
weird but really nice!

L o v e s
Kids. Music. Web Stuff. Jadis. My Friends. Photoshop. Gemma Ward!!! French Fries. The Sound of Music. Sandwich. I Capture the Castle. Cassandra Mortmain.

W i s h l i s t
I want...
a star of my own. a car. an electric guitar. a camera. to meet Sandwich. to go to Japan. my dreams to come true. world peace. high school back.

T a g

speak up, kid!

"Your r e m o r s e hasn't fallen on deaf ears rather ones that just don't care"

L i n k s

" we are salt - you are the wound"
Justine L.

A r c h i v e s

"for the corpses of all my past mistakes"
April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007

C r e d i t s

My Heart is the Worst Kind of Weapon
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